So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
