There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
