Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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