I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
