a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
