the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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