Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I want her autograph on my taint
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
