you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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