I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
