DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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