her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
