yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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