But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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