i already hear my dad disowning me
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize