Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
