I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
