I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
