just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
