I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I am available for nakedness
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
