He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
