you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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