party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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