I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
