marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
