i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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