the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
