She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
