I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
