im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
