I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
