Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
