If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
