Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
