Whoa Z and x make the same sound
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
