Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
