I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
