think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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