he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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