wanna go halves on a baby?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize