There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
