but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
