So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
