The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
