my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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