When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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