I feel great
I just peed on a car
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
