I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
