i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
