I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize