We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
