You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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