you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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