haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
