All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
