We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
