Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
