you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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