my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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