Sry I called you an 8
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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