I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
