Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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