apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Floor bacon is actually really good
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
