I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
