"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I intend to get homeless drunk
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
